You can’t leave me! I’ve got deadlines
Being a student is hard enough without your relationship ending
Okay, so university can be an absolute blast, but, like most things, it doesn’t always go exactly to plan. Sometimes, you find yourself knee-deep in coursework when your relationship suddenly spirals down the plughole.
Often, the first reaction in this kind of situation is panic. Somehow, you’ve ended up facing that nasty little thing called heartbreak AND you’ve got assignments due in around two weeks’ time…yikes! Of course, there’s never really a good time to break up, but with deadlines looming it certainly isn’t ideal for your stress levels.
To help you out a little, here are my 5 top tips for balancing the personal with the academic.
Let yourself cry
There’s no denying it, break ups aren’t easy. Regardless of whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee you’re probably going to feel pretty blue.
Often in these situations, our instinct is to try and bury our feelings. But trust me, that’s never a good idea. You need to remember that it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to sit on your sofa with a duvet and a tub of your favourite Ben and Jerry’s, while you binge watch Friends.
In fact, it probably helps. It is just as important to not wallow in a rut for too long.
Once you’ve made it through half a season Friends, you probably ought to stand up, shake yourself off and jump in the shower. This will help you snap out of your heartbreak haze and hopefully encourage you to go and do something productive.
Make a daily task list
One of the best things you can do to help yourself is to get on with work. Before you go to bed each night, try writing down a quick to do list for the following day.
On that list you can include things like “Write 500 words of my essay” and this will really help you to actually make that progress. There’s something undeniably satisfying about being able to cross off a task.
Of course, you need to make sure that the goals you’re setting are realistic: know your limits and don’t push yourself too far. Something else that might help keep your spirits up a little is to include self-care on your list, this could include things like “Take a bubble bath” or simply “relax”.
Spend time with friends and family
This is one of the most important things you can do when going through difficulties in your personal life. Your friends and family love and care for you, they want to see you happy and they want to support you when you’re having a hard time.
Make sure to let them in. If you don’t feel like going out, invite them over instead, just having a friend binge watch Netflix with you does wonders for your state of mind. (You could finish off that season of Friends, for instance.)
A good friend will be happy to talk or just to listen about what you’re going through. Friends and family will motivate you, inspire you and support you – if you only let them.
Visualise success
When it comes to assignments and coursework, visualising can prove incredibly motivating. If you’re struggling to get into the right frame of mind, try sitting quietly, closing your eyes and visualising yourself getting the grade you really want.
Picture yourself collecting your assignment and seeing that grade on the paper, imagine how happy you would feel to see it there. This small exercise alone can really help encourage you to work towards your goals.
Look on the bright side
Finally, it’s also useful to think about the little perks of your situation. Now that you’re single you probably have more time to yourself. You don’t have to compromise so much anymore, you can really focus on what makes you happy and that happiness is always the most important thing.
Just in case
The advice above should help you shake off the blues. But sometimes we all need a bit more support. Remember, there’s help available from the universities and student unions. I’ve linked to some places you can get help and advice.
University of Birmingham
https://www.guildofstudents.com/support/guildadvice/who-we-are-guild-advice/
https://intranet.birmingham.ac.uk/as/studentservices/counselling/index.aspx
Birmingham City University
http://www.bcu.ac.uk/student-info/student-affairs/enablement-and-wellbeing
https://www.bcusu.com/advice/
University of Bristol
https://www.bristolsu.org.uk/advice-and-support
http://www.bristol.ac.uk/students/wellbeing/
University of West of England
http://www1.uwe.ac.uk/students/healthandwellbeing/wellbeingservice.aspx
https://www.thestudentsunion.co.uk/advice-centre/
University of Nottingham
https://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/advice/health-and-wellbeing/
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/currentstudents/healthyu/mental-health/bodymind.aspx
Nottingham Trent University
https://www4.ntu.ac.uk/student_services/health_wellbeing/index.html
https://www.trentstudents.org/ias